Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Tuesday Thoughts!

   I write out my thoughts on notebook paper from my purse. I'm eating at Taco Bell.

  On Good Friday, I visit my mom in the nursing home. I brought her a mixed bouquet of tulips my daughter gave me from the tulip farm.
    She's reading herself for the day-a little sponge off here and there, powder. I help her change her shirt and brush her hair. {She had breakfast in bed} She's running late for lunch.  Finally we get roll down to the dining room. She slowly eats; it's hard for her to hold her spoon or fork. I spoon out her twice baked potato. She insists there's bacon in there {there isn't}. I cut up her chicken patty, no don't. Then she changes her mind. I cut it again. She's eating her cold veggies but doesn't like her apple that's been heated up...it's not soft enough! I reheat it.....she wants her ice cream......
   There's less people in this dining room now.Three people are being fed their solid food. One lady eats with her husband. She lives 1/2 mile away and she visits him each day.  
   Two ladies come in, in wheelchairs. One comes in on her own, the other one is brought in. They work on a puzzle at the corner table by one of the two big windows in dining room.
    I start to tear up. I watch the lady across table eat....special fork that's bent so she can put food in her mouth. Special bowl-like plate too.  I start to tear up. I leave after giving mom a neck/shoulder rub. More, she says, right here.  I hug her. Slowly she kisses me good bye as I hug her. She slowly says I love you more than you love me.  I walk away. Tears. She's not doing good right now. Slow. Slurred speech.
     I brought her a new pair of shoes and two new night gowns. We didn't have time to try them on {she was still eating after I left}. One of the CNAs said she'd help Mom try them on, put them aside if they didn't fit.  Never a convenient time to visit or try things on. But I must visit. A day will come when she'll be gone. There will only be memories.  Often wonder when "the call" will come. 

   Fast forward to this week......mom is eating pureed food because of swallowing problems. Talking less. my sis and I were with her Sunday afternoon.....we talked, shared some scripture with her. She knows the Lord.  In bed most of the day now.  She likes her bed by the window. With her plants.

    Waiting.  I've already lost my dad. Fall of 1986. My children were young. We lived states away. I will always remember my dad for what he was in my life.  I don't regret loving my family. I do what I can for them. I can't always accommodate people because of my schedule and life I live.  I do the best I can. Here. In my town.


Betsy said...

Oh Becky. I'm so sorry to read posts like this. Watching your Mom fade away is so difficult. I was only 29 when my own Mom died. It was unexpected and alarming how fast things happened. We did get to say good-bye. We did get to say our "I love you's". That is so very, very important. My heart breaks for you and your sister. So much sadness lately everywhere I turn.
But...your Mom knows the LORD and that is a blessing and a comfort. Please know that I'll be in prayer for you and your family and your Mom especially.

Beatrice Euphemie said...

Oh, I know. I remember visiting my Dad - going to the nursing home, helping him eat, taking him for walks in his wheelchair, tearing up at the sadness of it all. He had Alzheimer's and didn't even know me the last two years. But I went anyway - the long drive through the countryside - walking through the doors not knowing what I would find - the sad feeling when I had to leave. You are a good daughter, this is a difficult time, just enjoy each moment you get to spend and give yourself a little hug. The angels are with you both. xo Karen

Camille said...

A tough road to walk, for sure! May the Lord daily give you His grace and strength as you minister to your Mom. You will never regret visiting with her...you are a blessing! Hugs, Camille

aimee said...

The last days of a loved one's life are difficult--both for the loved one and family/close friends. I have regrets from my mom's last few months...
Do what you can--you won't ever be sorry for doing so.
God bless,